I often get asked about my thoughts on mediums and especially if I have any recommendations for a medium to help someone who just lost a loved one. I’m going to be honest, I am never going to give you a recommendation for this type of service. I have worked with many people with varying levels of sensitivity. Some have been honest people with skills I can not fully comprehend. Others are really good at reading people and I have witnessed them change their story as the client is talking. Honesty and trust are very important elements in all things paranormal and I cannot stress enough how essential it is that anyone interacting in this realm understand how easy it is to commit fraud and take advantage of a person (especially a person who is in pain). 

The most common apparitions reported occur at the moment of dying or soon after death. Whether these come from the actual deceased or the mind of the loved one can not be confirmed. BUT what the living experience in these moments is often that sense finality. The deceased often sends a message of comfort and a feeling of “I am fine.” This then becomes that moment of closure. Not everyone will have this experience and we don’t all need this experience. Often we have discussions with others about how we “believe” they are “in a better place”, they are “released from pain”, they are “looking down on us”, and so on. These beliefs keep us going and give us the feeling that while we may not see our loved ones, they may still be with us in spirit. 

Grief, loss, pain, and suffering are all emotions that make it almost impossible for us to make logical/reasonable decisions. This is why funeral planning is so difficult. We expect people to make important decisions right after losing someone they love. As humans, we seek any means to cope with our pain and loss, that is why we have funerals (and the less helpful drugs and alcohol). Funerals are supposed to give us some type of closure. The extent to which this works can be debated extensively but nonetheless, our goal at this time is to say our goodbyes.

So, with all of this said, why don’t I recommend seeing a medium while grieving? The number one reason is that when you are in a vulnerable position, you should not seek out people who may take advantage of you. Sorry if you are a medium who thinks you are doing the right thing by allowing someone to pay for a service that keeps a person attached to their dead. This is not a kindness. We must go through the process of grief and get to the point of acceptance. If someone does not accept death, they get stuck and don’t move forward. It is fine to believe that our loved ones look in on us from time to time but it is not helpful to constantly seek out their guidance or reassurance. We must learn to live our lives without that person. Mediums give us the ability to stay attached to our dead and that is not something I can recommend. I go in depth on this topic in my blog “Letting Go of Our Dead”. 

Let’s look at it from another perspective. Many believe that when you die, you move on to a better place and start your next journey. If this is the case, is it fair of the living to keep pulling the dead back into the living world? What if the living person forms an unhealthy attachment to the deceased and they are not allowed to move on to the next thing? Will they be happy about this situation? Probably not. We don’t know what comes after death (and I include mediums in this collective “we”) so making judgements on what the dead should or should not do is incredibly arrogant of us. We must continue our path and if our loved ones want to check-in or send us messages via red birds, that is wonderful. Let them do that but don’t go looking for them. I have seen too many people taken advantage of or unable to move forward because of their attachment to their dead. 

Death sucks and losing loved ones really sucks. It is part of life and we must learn to live our lives. Our dead would want us to live, and not chase them into the afterlife. I know this is not what many want to hear but it is what I honestly believe. Go through the process, you will be stronger for having learned to stand on your own. Leave the mediums to search for the long dead rumbling around old abandoned buildings and those who may actually need help letting go of their attachment to life. 

Until next time, stay grounded.